Questions can you

The data also shows that top-performing salespeople tend to scatter questions throughout the sales call, which makes it feel more like a conversation than an interrogation. Just as important, top salespeople listen more and speak less than their counterparts overall. Taken together, the data from Gong. If the goal is to build relationships, the opposite approach—opening with less sensitive questions and escalating slowly—seems to be most effective. The pairs who followed the prescribed structure liked each other more than the control pairs.

Asking tough questions first can make people more willing to open up. Good interlocutors also understand that questions asked previously in a conversation can influence future queries.

However, when the same questions were asked in the opposite order, the answers were less closely correlated. People are more forthcoming when you ask questions in a casual way, rather than in a buttoned-up, official tone. The control group was presented with a neutral-looking site. Participants were about twice as likely to reveal sensitive information on the casual-looking site than on the others. For example, if they are told that they can change their answers at any point, they tend to open up more—even though they rarely end up making changes.

This might explain why teams and groups find brainstorming sessions so productive. In a whiteboard setting, where anything can be erased and judgment is suspended, people are more likely to answer questions honestly and say things they otherwise might not. Of course, there will be times when an off-the-cuff approach is inappropriate. Participants were told either that most others in the study were willing to reveal stigmatizing answers or that they were unwilling to do so.

In a meeting or group setting, it takes only a few closed-off people for questions to lose their probing power. The opposite is true, too. As soon as one person starts to open up, the rest of the group is likely to follow suit. Group dynamics can also affect how a question asker is perceived. But when third-party observers watch the same conversation unfold, they prefer the person who answers questions.

This makes sense: People who mostly ask questions tend to disclose very little about themselves or their thoughts. To those listening to a conversation, question askers may come across as defensive, evasive, or invisible, while those answering seem more fascinating, present, or memorable.

Just as the way we ask questions can facilitate trust and the sharing of information—so, too, can the way we answer them. Answering questions requires making a choice about where to fall on a continuum between privacy and transparency. Should we answer the question?

If we answer, how forthcoming should we be? What should we do when asked a question that, if answered truthfully, might reveal a less-than-glamorous fact or put us in a disadvantaged strategic position? Each end of the spectrum—fully opaque and fully transparent—has benefits and pitfalls. Keeping information private can make us feel free to experiment and learn.

In negotiations, withholding sensitive information such as the fact that your alternatives are weak can help you secure better outcomes. At the same time, transparency is an essential part of forging meaningful connections. Even in a negotiation context, transparency can lead to value-creating deals; by sharing information, participants can identify elements that are relatively unimportant to one party but important to the other—the foundation of a win-win outcome.

And keeping secrets has costs. In an organizational context, people too often err on the side of privacy—and underappreciate the benefits of transparency. How often do we realize that we could have truly bonded with a colleague only after he or she has moved on to a new company?

Why are better deals often uncovered after the ink has dried, the tension has broken, and negotiators begin to chat freely? There is no rule of thumb for how much—or what type—of information you should disclose.

But this intuition is wrong. Before a conversation takes place, think carefully about whether refusing to answer tough questions would do more harm than good. Of course, at times you and your organization would be better served by keeping your cards close to your chest. In our negotiation classes, we teach strategies for handling hard questions without lying. Eloquent dodgers were liked more than ineloquent answerers, but only when their dodges went undetected.

Another effective strategy is deflecting, or answering a probing question with another question or a joke. Answerers can use this approach to lead the conversation in a different direction. Sometimes the oddball questions allow you to learn the most interesting things about a person.

But you still want to keep things PG, says Williams. Same goes for the unconventional-for-a-reason q's, a. Do you believe in ghosts—why or why not? Bonus question: If so, are you afraid of ghosts? If you came back in your next life as an animal, what animal would you be? Do you hit the snooze button or wake up immediately? Do you think iced coffee should only be consumed in the summer or all year round? Do you have any allergies?

When was the last time you cried and why? What was your all-time favorite Halloween costume? What's the worst argument you've ever been in? If you could own a mythical creature unicorn, phoenix, etc. If you could change anything about yourself, would you? If so, what and why? So let down your guard, and don't be afraid to ask and answer!

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